The lines of our lives – @JosephEParker

The word for “character” comes from the Greek term describing an engraving instrument. The picture is of an artist who wears a groove on a metal plate by repeatedly etching the same place with a sharp tool. After repeated stroke, an image begins to take shape.

My character is forged as a set of distinctive marks that, when taken together, draw a portrait of who I really am. Everyone has character, and it can be described: bad or good, shifty or sturdy, sordid or sterling.

Behaviour and character are related, but they are not the same thing. Behaviour is what I do. Character is the person my behaviour has made me into. Behaviour is just one action. “I have behaved badly in that situation.” Character is the sum of my behaviours, public and private, arranged consistently across the entire spectrum of my life. Any behaviour, duplicated and reduplicated, forms a part of my character.

Repeated patterns of behaviour wears a series of grooves that form a portrait of me as a person. The lines of my behaviour over time draw a picture of my character. Sometimes that portrait is compelling and attractive. In other cases it is ugly and repelling. Usually it is a combination of the two. Even great faces have lumps.

A few months ago I found myself sitting in the middle of a river. Fishing waist deep in a cold moving stream in the village is one of my ways of unwinding. It is where I can clear the clutter of a crowded mind and heart.

There was a huge rock in the centre of the river. It was a great place for a lunch break. I crawled up on it, out of the current, and stretched out like a sunbathing turtle. Running my hand across its worn surface I drank in its sun-soaked warmth.

As I looked closer, I noticed the contours of the rock. These were not features of the mineral itself, but grooves worn in it by the water. Year after year the water has poured over and around this obstacle (the rock) in its path. Waves crashing into it, trying to work under it, sometimes boiling over it, always finding a way around it. Although the waves I saw passing by at the very moment make no apparent difference, in time they would leave their mark.

So it is with character. Everything we do, every thought, every choice is a wave with ripple effects. It is easier to see their immediate effect on others than it is to see their consequence on the rock of our own character. Yet if you will look at the contours of your life, you will clearly see the grooves shaped by the pattern of your past.

Every time we make a decision, we cut a groove. When we hold our tongue and practice self-control or when we let them run loose and speak our minds, we are carving our character. When we say yes or no to a reckless temptation, we are signing our names. When you stand up to peer pressure, hold the line of truth, or return kindness for cruelty, you are cutting the pattern of your character. Author Anthony Robbins was right when he said, “It is in your moments of decisions that your destiny is shaped.

This post was shown on Deolu Bubble's Blog

10 Things Men Wish Women Knew

10 things men wish women knew

1. Men love to be complimented. Sincerely, however, not artificially. You can't, for instance, say "I love what you've done with your apartment" if it looks like a dorm room. In a frat house.

2. Sunday equals sports. Not one game. Not two games. All the games.

3. Say what you think/ want/feel. Straight up. No hints, no insinuations, no clever allusions. Men don't do subtle. They're just not hard-wired that way.

4. When it comes to makeup, less is more.

5. When it comes to making love, more is more.

6. Frequent compliments about his talents/abilities/allures coupled with regular disregard of his shortcomings/ limitations/faults are to a man what diamonds are to a woman: remarkable, extraordinary, incomparable treasures.

7. Honest, open, undisguised desire (read: making him feel as though you want him so badly that you can hardly remember your name) is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

8. A TV screen can never be too big. It's the room that's too small.

9. Flirting is sexy. Teasing is cruel. Do not confuse the two or serious, long-lasting hard feelings could ensue.

10. When in doubt, about what to give him for any special occasion -- birthday, anniversary, just-because-it's-Tuesday-and-I-want-to-say-I-love-you--remember what F. Scott Fitzgerald said: "The greatest gift you can give anyone is to see them exactly as they wish to be seen."

LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD

We all know the saying that “blood is thicker than water”. While this statement is correct by chemical composition, I really do think that the true meaning of it has nothing to do with Chemistry. The statement is trying to differentiate the relational ‘bond’ between ‘blood relatives’ and other relationships. So by the statement, it is implied that people of same blood have a bond existing between. As true as it seems, I ask myself, what is the point of such ‘bond’ when some blood relatives can’t live together in peace and harmony? We have always heard of people using their Parents, Kids, or siblings for rituals. We have all heard of the dire fighting, cheating, stealing, and backbiting that go on between ‘blood’ relatives. Thinking deep into why these should be so, one thing keeps on playing on my mind – LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD!!

One man gets back home after a cumbersome day, he calls out to his wife “hi honey…..I’m home!” he gets the response “I’m here” and he looks around the living room only to find his wife brooding at one corner. “What’s wrong?” he asks her……and she says…. “Hi Patrick, there’s something I want to tell you”….. He asks her….”what is it? she answers "it's about our son" and he responds "Is he alright?” and she says “Patrick, he is not your real son”….he asks her “what do you mean he is not my real son?”….she says “sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you”…..he responds, “Sorry? What does that mean? But why didn’t you tell me before?” she yells “sorry!!”…and he yells back “after all these years? This is crazy!!” Along the line she explains “I got lonely sometime and you were gone like you always do. You were never there when I needed some Tender Loving Care. You were never there when I needed somebody to talk to. Somebody came and took your place” and he responds “hmm….lady, somebody took my place in your life, I can say I’m used to it by now cos it happens all the time. That is one test I have always failed, but one thing my heart will never understand is, WHO IS GONNA TAKE THE PLACE OF THIS BOY IN MY HEART? ..... Now this is the part of the story where my interest lies. How come he loved the “boy” so much when there was actually no “blood bond”? While you are thinking of what to answer, this is what still plays on my mind – LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD!!

I have always been wondering the kind of love people have for their kids when I see the kind of inhumane treatment they mete out to the other child who takes care of their household chores. How possible is it for me to truly love my children and then I can’t show love to the person that oversees their welfare (the maid)? The same maid that prepares the food we all ‘eat’ at home. I think most of us are just being fond of our kids if we can’t be compassionate towards other children in general no matter their societal status. If you read well between the lines, you will see for yourself that indeed LOVE IS THICKER BLOOD!!

When you visit a couple who don’t have a biological child, but have adopted one, it will become clearer that LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD!!

When you hear the story of a millionaire’s daughter getting married to a gravedigger’s son even though the lady’s parents were strongly against the marriage because of difference in economic class, you will begin to nod your head to the fact that LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD!!

What really creates a ‘bond’ between us isn’t the blood in our veins, but the ‘love’ in our blood – can I hear someone say ‘LOVE’ is thicker than blood?

Like I also like saying, Love is only love if it can be traced back to God. Any love that can’t be traced back to God isn’t love. It can be fondness or any other thing, but certainly not love!

Love is the compassion, affection, charity, care, and forgiveness meted out to others in the spirit of oneness.

>>>LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD<<<

Maple Dappa is an Inspirational speaker/writer

LETTER TO YOU

You, Yes, you. You just crossed my mind so I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.

I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You are alive.

Everything will be okay.

Oleku - Iceprince Ft Brymo (official Video)

The much awaited video from the stables of the Chocolate City...Enjoy

NOT SURE OF A SUITABLE TITLE!

So it’s over. Maybe it was a break (which doesnt make sense to me), maybe just a breakup, but, in any case, she’s gone (deal with it). Chances are she left you, because two thirds to three quarters of most breakups in dating relationships are initiated by women. Now you’re alone -- maybe for the first time in a long while. The longer you have been in a relationship, the more daunting this may sound. But a new girlfriend may be the last thing you need right now.

We usually start lining up prospective 'babes', 'friends with benefits' and what have you even while the smell of our ex’s perfume is still lingering in the air. You may fantasise about having choices again, and as soon as friends see you as “single” some of them may offer to “fix you up” with their friend who is also newly single or want to just hook you up with random girls to keep your mind off your recent break/break up. It can be flattering, and it can be exciting, but more likely it is confusing. You may not have dated in years, and you may find the whole process more anxiety-provoking than fun.

When a relationship ends, we often say that we are going to be very cautious about our next one. Yet, the statistics show that single life tends to be short-lived for most of us. For guys whose girlfriend called it quits, that period of single life is really short-lived.

Why are we so quick to rush into another relationship you may ask? After all, if you have been in a committed relationship that has lasted for a year or more, what are the odds that the first or second woman you meet after the breakup is the perfect match for you?

Guys also may quickly start a new relationship because they dread the idea of being alone. But being alone does not necessarily imply being lonely. After all, some of the saddest cases of loneliness occur when you feel unloved tolerated or pitied in a relationship as was the case of some of us.

Some of us are anxious to jump into a new relationship in order to find a new sexual partner. If this is you, remember to use your brain, the part above the belt, and not the part below that all too often wants to call the shots (lol).

Personally, I feel the major reason that men prematurely get into a new committed relationship is to avoid the pain associated with the loss of the previous relationship. This is quite natural. Almost everybody will use pain killers to quell a headache, for example. However, the pain after a relationship ends is part of the recovery process. It makes you reevaluate the relationship, its history, the mistakes you made, and the meaning of it for your life. Most importantly, the pain can help you avoid making similar mistakes in the future. Unfortunately, people don’t really learn very well from their mistakes in relationships.

You are not ready to engage in another committed relationship soon after a breakup (FACT). You may think that you are, but you are overestimating yourself. If you have ever sustained a sports injury -- say, a sprained ankle while playing ball -- you probably remember being anxious to get back on the field as soon as possible after getting hurt. But if you rush to resume your old regimen before your ankle is fully healed, you will most likely re-injure it -- but this time the injury will be more severe and put you out of commission for a lot longer. This is exactly your situation now, but instead of your ankle being injured, it’s your “heart” that's suffering. Give it the time it needs to heal before you get into a new relationship.

Consider these thoughts as you get tempted to find a new girlfriend:

Don’t look to another woman to make you feel OK: If you are still hurting, don’t try to bandage the wound by explaining your plight to another female. She can't make it better, but you can. Instead of distracting yourself or looking to a new girlfriend to ease the pain you feel, work on self-improvement and self-understanding. The last thing you need is another failed relationship.

Find comfort in being alone: Strangely enough, unless you are comfortable being alone, you are probably not ready for a new relationship. The best relationships grow out of a desire to be with a particular person, not from the fear of being with no one at all. To be comfortable with being alone means you: don’t feel depressed when you don’t have someone with you; can take care of your own basic needs; don’t need someone else to entertain you; and can deal with not having a regular sexual partner.  

Let go of your anger at your ex: Yes, she may have hurt you, but you learned at different points of your life and in different ways that two wrongs don’t make a right.

Be careful not to party too hard: Drowning your sorrows via drinking won’t change anything for the better. Instead, focus on improving yourself

Develop some new part of yourself: In order to connect more with others, look for situations in which you can be yourself, have fun, learn something and, later down the line, make contacts. Developing pastimes is very important, and they can make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

You will know you are more ready to have a new relationship when you can consider the possibility of going out with a woman without masses of anger or anxiety welling up in you, have reconnected with people in non-romantic ways, are not preoccupied with thoughts of your previous relationship, can tolerate living on your own and being by yourself, can find meaningful and interesting things to do even if you are alone and finally have developed ways to meet and engage with new people.

Feel free to drop your views and/or comments on what you agree or don't agree with.

Tribute To Nice Guys!

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honour of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honour of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honour of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favour cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumour that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumour to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed and what I have learned from talking to friends at school and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical and manipulative. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Life is not hard

'Life is not hard'...this just means that i cant kill myself because of someone/something

Now its my favourite new term....i think in yoruba its 'AiYE O LE'

lately i have adopted an ' i cant shout' appraoch to most things, cause really I CANT SHOUT..i cant kill myself over issues that i can do nothing about....

if i love someone and the person doesnt love me in return...Life is not hard... i can like to respect my old age and creep walk out of the relationship....abi make i con die...no o! life ko hard ra ra ra..it will hurt ooh..but u cant force a person to love u.


if a friend is giving me too much stress, causing me too much wahala... doing the opposite of what a friend should do....life is not hard! u can like to ex me from ur life.

Gone are the days when someone will be crying over the fact that people are acting up...if someone is acting up...bye bye to rege rege.... i will not kill myself...no i will not..neither will i over stress myself with too much thinking...LIFE IS NOT HARD! WAKA COMOT.

Omo pikin don grow ooooh!!! i will not entertain any rubbish anymore in my life, no one will be begged to stay....bad friends will be done away with, negative people will be left behind....life is beautiful..and very short..i want to enjoy it to the fullest with people who want to be around me....who make me happy, who i make happy....

if i have one more semester to go....life is not hard! i will do it....

if u say u love me, but dont act like u do...life is not hard..someone who will love me in return will come around


if u say u are my friend...yet....u r the devil's incarnate..always discouraging, trying to get me down to make urself feel better... life is not hard o!!! 

if u do not like me..... shey make i talk am again.. life no dey hard... ill live!


make nobody take their blues come spoil my reggae...



This post is not directed to any particular person, because i know some people are now psychic and anything i talk about is about them....just so you know...it has nothing to do with anybody.

Friends With Benefits

What exactly is this all about?

It involves two friends or acquaintances coming together and having a clear understanding that all they both want from each other is Sex and nothing more. Both parties may or may not be in other relationships.

One party might be in a relationship while the other is not. Regardless of what the situation is, they both know what the score is and ideally, should not have expectations of the relationship beyond that.

For many different reasons, the friends with benefits syndrome has gained a lot more popularity in recent times, mostly due to the scarcity of Relationship prospects in the cut-throat world of Dating. Another reason is that a lot of people have had bad experiences in conventional relationships, and so have embraced this more self-fulfilling form as a way of taking ownership of their sexual experience.

This syndrome has its Pros and Cons, just like with every single endeavor in life; I’ll run you through some of these now:

Pro #1: Freedom from Commitment is possibly the greatest Pro of all when it comes to being ‘friends with benefits with someone. No-one feels used, because no initial promises were made. Let’s face it, EVERYONE likes to have their cake and eat it. Offering a guy MAD sex from a HOT chick, without any form of commitment, is like telling a little child that Santa is not only real, but is moving into his bedroom with him. Like seriously, as a guy, if I didn’t suffer from the gross inconvenience of a conscience, I would have me a whole harem of ‘Friends with Benefits’. As in really, why not?! I make no promises, have no expectations of the other person and she’s dishing it out to me when, where, and however I want it?! Sheeeettttt…

Pro #2: The fact that a person agreed at all to being friends with benefits automatically clears out the liberty to have any unrealistic expectations of the other person. It will be a total breach of contract for a friend with benefit to angrily scream at the other person, “Why have you not been picking up my calls?” or “Why were you flirting with that other person in front of me?” friends with benefits and demands are two concepts that operate on very opposing poles of the Relationship World Order. Oh the bliss of a Demand-free life…

Pro #3: Life can get a little Lonely sometimes. I can relate with that right now, and sometimes, I just want the comfort of good intimate company. Being friends with benefits allows the killing of two Guinea fowls with one Rocket Launcher. Sex and the need for Companionship met at one go!!

Pro #4: The process of Dating can be a looonnggg thing!! friends with benefits spare each other the long drawn- out process of candle-lit dinners, running along the Beach-front Nollywood style, feeding each other in a fast-food restaurant, wondering if ‘He/She is that into you’ or not, and every other Dating Palaver there is. It’s simply “Wham…come around lets get down Ma’am?!”

Pro #5: Guys and Girls alike, suffer from what is known as performance Anxiety. “Would she laugh when she discovers I’m a 30-second man?” “How would he react when he sees that the Savannah Rain Forest has nothing on me down there?” the desire to make a good impression can often take away the pleasure of sexual unity between two people who are in the conventional dating game. But  with friends with benefits, you are so intent on getting pleasure, that flabs can actually be viewed as the most beautiful thing EVER!!

So let me stop there with the Pros, before I’m mistaken to be the official Ambassador for friends with benefits, lol.

Now to the Cons…

Con #1: One major disadvantage about being friends with benefits with someone is that the situation can go on forever!! It can get so comfortable and just go on and on until you realize that you’ve actually become stuck in it. One or both parties would still have their friends with benefits on the side through any serious relationships they enter. It can be pretty difficult to get rid of a friend with benefits no matter how hard you try. It’s like having a secret thrill that is always available for you whenever you need it, so letting go is a problem on its own.

Con #2: The Ultimate downside of friends with benefits is the demon of Feelings. One way or the other, in most situations, emotional baggage must enter. Then, one party begins to feel short-changed by the other party. The initial comfort becomes compromised and then resentment sets in. This is most common especially with the girls…it’s not easy especially when you see the guy actually committing himself to someone else. You then begin to wonder what is wrong with you that didn’t allow him to see you as someone worth committing to.

Con #3: Another downside attached to feelings is that when someone practicing friends with benefits catches the‘Emotional Bug’, they most likely will try as much as possible to suppress it, for fear that expressing what they feel to the other person may cause them to lose the person totally. So they endure hardship, while all the while pretending like all is cool and they really don’t want more from the relationship.

Con #4: One advantage of an IDEAL friends with benefits situation is the secrecy involved. Not everyone needs to know. But seeing that a lot of Guys (especially) only feel relevant when they brag about their conquests, they go out pointing out their Keles to the whole world, forgetting the fact that society judges women more harshly for the sins of both the man and woman. So a Girl who was just set out to have some fun by indulging in a ‘harmless escapade’ gets labeled a WHORE just because someone wanted to feel important.

Con #5: This happens a lot with guys and also with girls, depending on the individuals involved. People get very territorial when the prefix ‘MY’ is attached to something. Even if it’s ‘MY Kele’, ‘MY Scrobo’, or ‘MY Booty Call’, it’s human nature not to want anyone else to cross that territorial Boundary. It takes a very generous guy to want to share any of his ‘Keles’ with other people. So the other person feels trapped and it then becomes a question of “You don’t WANT me, but you also don’t want any other person to want me”. Na there WAHALA  dey begin

I hope with these few points of mine I have been able to clearly point out what the whole friends with benefits story is all about, Thank you

lmao

if only...

I wish the skies would darken and the sun fall asleep
I wish the thunder screams for me
and the skies cry my tears
I wish you'd go away and never come back
Yes, go away and dont look back
I wish I could go into yesterday and yank you out
I wish I never met you
I feel a chill up to my spine
and I know its not the winds outside
Its the tears i refuse to cry over you
the hurt I refuse to acknowledge
The shabby life you have left me with
What once used to be called happy
What once used to be called love
all gone in the twinkle of an eye
I wish I could go into yesterday and yank you out
I wish the rain would fall and cry the tears I refuse to cry